National Coming Out Day

It came and went again. National Coming Out Day. 

Early in my coming out journey, I was on a Zoom call with a group of later-in-life lesbians. And one of them was telling her coming-out story. She decided to make a public announcement so she made a TikTok video and posted it on her social media, including Facebook — where her family and old friends would see it. 

She didn’t make a big fuss. The video was just her dancing around in Pride clothes with the words, “you’re never too old to come out” printed on it.

This worked great for her. She pulled the band-aid off all at once. One, big, grand coming out. She posted the video and immediately closed the app, dreading the inevitable comments. This one might just go viral.

But when she summoned the courage to check on her post, she was relieved to find that the majority of the comments were loving and supportive. And the experience ended up being a positive (though nerve wracking) one.

She made her grand pronouncement on National Coming Out Day.

I was inspired. So that day I decided that National Coming Out Day would be my big day. I would do just what she did. I thought, “certainly by then I’ll be ready for the whole world (meaning my family) to know.”

Well, I wasn’t. This was in 2021. And now National Coming Out Day has come and gone again. And I’m still not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. 

Honestly, the day totally snuck up on me. I’d forgotten all about it. 

My first thought when I woke up that morning was, “it’s not too late! I could still do it!” And then I was overcome by feelings of fear, pressure, and overwhelm. It wasn’t the right time. I decided not to make a grand announcement.

But I wanted to do something to commemorate this nationally recognized day. So… I googled it.

I found a couple of articles in People Magazine of all places. Not my standard reading material. The first one talked about the origin of National Coming Out Day. 

And that article linked to another one. It was a series of coming out stories — both celebrities and regular, everyday queer people.

I was filled with peace as I read these articles. I loved hearing the stories. Some were tragic and sad — religious unaccepting parents or angry bitter spouses. You know the drill. Others were lovely, ideal scenarios where accepting parent made space for their queer kids, normalized queerness from an early age, and made it easy for the kids to be authentic. So coming out was easy and natural.

If you’re reading this, you are much more likely to be in that first group. I don’t know how your family took your “big news”. Or if you’ve even told them yet.

But I’m here to remind you that the Universe has your back. 

Being gay is okay. Being who you are (rather than who other people would like you to be) is more than okay.

After I read those articles, I wanted to bask in the peace of the moment. So I laid down on my bed. And as Iooked around my room, I realized that there were rainbows everywhere. Tiny little rainbows on my walls, my ceiling, my dresser. EVERYWHERE.

About a year ago I bought a little prism ball that I excitedly hung in my window. But it didn’t work. I never saw rainbows. Okay, maybe every once in a while I spot one or two. But that was it. So I pretty much forgot all about it.

But on National Coming Out Day, the light caught it just right and there were rainbows — dozens of them.

Were those rainbows confirmation from the Universe? Were they a divine message for me that being gay isn’t the hideous and disgraceful thing I was raised to believe it was?

Yeah. It was. For me that’s 100% EXACTLY what that meant. Those little rainbows were a message of divine acceptance. 

I don’t know what you believe. But whatever that is, I encourage you to look around for those signs and confirmations. Whatever the source, even if it’s your own imagination. I think we all need that. We stumble around this life trying to do it right. And sometimes it’s good to get the confirmation that, “hey — you’re doing fine, even when it doesn’t feel like it.”

That morning when I saw rainbows all over my room I felt supported. It felt genuinely okay to be gay. To be authentic. To be...me.

And it’s okay for you to be you too. No matter what your mother thinks.