Lesbian Sex: You Can’t Get A Job Without Experience and You Can’t Get Experience Without a Job

Before I knew I was gay, I thought I was done dating — like forever.

I’d been single for over 10 years. And I’d been on a grand total of 2 dates during that time. Both with men. Both were awful.

The idea of dating just didn’t appeal to me. AT. ALL. So I was totally fine with being single. I was resigned to being alone. And I was genuinely okay with it.

I pictured myself as an empty-nester, living in a cute little house on the beach somewhere, sitting at a coffee shop overlooking the ocean and writing. (I’m a copywriter by trade).

I’d have a little dog — a schnauzer or a poodle maybe. Something that wouldn’t shed. And it sounded fine to me.

But then… women.

Once I had my “holy shit, I’m a lesbian!” day, it dawned on me. OH MY GOD. I COULD DATE WOMEN.

And suddenly, everything changed. I was so excited. Dating women sounded fun! 

All this time it wasn’t that I didn’t want to date. It’s that I didn’t want to date men.

I did exercise some restraint. My mentor and dear friend who was helping me walk the beginning of my journey encouraged me to get my feet under me a little bit before I started dating. I think that lasted about 4 months.

And then… on to the dating apps. Well, one really. I heard about the HER Social App on a podcast and decided that was the way to go.

And oh my, it was so exciting at first. I was POPULAR! I had tons of likes every day. It was so fun. 

But I discovered an issue. Not with everyone. But some women — long-time lesbians — they seemed really concerned about my lack of experience. We’d go on a date and they’d ask me if I’d ever had sex with a woman.

And when I said no, the responses weren’t awesome. One of them told me I’d have to get drunk before the first time. With some women I’d feel the change in their energy, or even see their face fall.

It was super frustrating. And it felt very unfair. I was ready for my hot years. I was ready to go!

But for a while it was just crickets. I had a lot of first dates. But then when I’d tell my coming-out story I’d lose them. (I have a really great coming out story so it’s hard not to talk about it). But once they realized how recently I’d come out, many women would lose interest.

And I had other late-in-life friends who were having the same issue. They’d be automatically discounted because they had come out later in life. 

I’ve been out for a little over a year now. And yes, I have had sex with a woman. And it was lovely. She was the perfect person for my first time — super laid back. She made me feel totally comfortable. And when I asked her if it bothered her that I hadn’t been with a woman before, she said, “oh my goodness, of course not!”

So, if you’re having trouble finding a “job” because you don’t have any “experience” I totally get it. There are women out there who will not hold your late-in-life status against you. 

And if you haven’t slept with a woman or had a girlfriend yet YOU ARE STILL VALID. You are no less a lesbian than the woman who’s been out since she was 14.